I Got Angry at DALL-E
My goal was to have DALL-E, the newsletter’s freshly hired illustrator, create a picture of me; a human being, and my 3 friends; a giant hamster, a green lizard and a duck.
I wanted to meet each of them individually before gathering as a group. So I started.
“a green lizard dancing on a dancefloor wearing red high heels and red sunglasses”
Sick shoes and cool glasses. Clearly, vibing.
Then, I wanted to see my hamster friend in action. What could he possibly be doing? Biting one legged people, throwing tomatoes at humans, throwing tomatoes at old men in a wheelchairs? Once again I asked DALL-E.
That’s a massive freaking Tomato right there. Thanks DALL-E.
Not sure who’s throwing the tomatoes at who on that one…
But then things started to get weird.
“a giant hamster eating a one legged man”
Ok wtf is going on here DALL-E??
This was so confusing that I called my hamster friend to find out whether he was fine. He seemed alright and told me about his stand up comedy thing he had going on.
“a giant hamster wearing a pink cowboy hat and pink shorts is performing stand-up comedy”
Alright alright ehy my man lookin sliiiiiiik. Or hold on ? NOOO come on man. What the heck is going on?
Why did he take of his shirt and why the heck does his belly look like a pair of big butt cheeks?!? DALL-E come on. Pffffuuuuu
My hamster friend had also told me that he had been hanging out with my friend duck the previous day and that he had met 2 of duck’s friends. I was intrigued.
“a giant hamster with three ducks standing on his head”
Ok I’m pretty sure that’s 4 not 3 ducks…Or has that one duck 2 heads? DALL-E you trippin?
Anyways, duck’s friends looked nice and I wanted to meet them too. It was now time to gather. How about a picnic outdoors with a few glasses of wine?
“a giant hamster, a green lizard wearing red high heels and red sunglasses, three ducks and a 26 year old white man are sitting in a park drinking wine”
OH WTF?? A pigeon? A broken monkey? A mix of a dog, a mole and a frog? And who is that women who sneaked into our “friends only gathering”????
DALL-E try again!
JESUS CHRIST. Why is there a freackin dinosaur chilling with three humans with pig faces instead of me and my friends….
Ok fine, I thought. It was DALL-E’s first week. I should make things a little simpler.
“a giant hamster, a green lizard, a duck, and a human are sitting in a park drinking wine”
Ok the wine is green and the whole thing is just freaky as hell…
I thought I would give DALL-E a couple more chances and made him spit out a couple more pics with slightly different instructions about details and settings with only one goal in mind: having all my friends together in one place. That’s the only thing that I truly cared about.
“a duck wearing a tuxedo, a giant hamster, a green lizard and a fat human are drinking red wine”
“a giant hamster, a green lizard, a duck and a human are sitting around a table and drinking red wine”
AHHHH WTF don’t eat duck!!
“christmas dinner with a hamster, a duck, a human, a lizard”
Ok now some random lady is eating hamster. That’s just messed up.
“a giant hamster, a duck in a tuxedo, a human and a green lizard are enjoying Christmas together”
AAAAAAHHHHHHHH.
I freaked out but then I thought, maybe this is the new age and selfies are the way to go…. I had one last bit of hope.
“a lizard, a hamster, a human being and a duck taking a selfie together”
That’s it, enough internet for today. AND DALL-E…. WE HAVE TO TALK!!!