Hello dear HANI Readers! My name is Owe Rehbein. With more than 30 years of professional experience in one of the biggest global multinational companies, being now in an executive management position, I am by far not done yet with exploring and learning. Learning about the world’s dynamics, the business that I am in, and most importantly about myself. I’m grateful that HANI provides me the opportunity to share with you a very personal learning, one insight that has shaped me and will sustain far beyond my professional life.
When I was brought up my Mum told me I should develop an ‘Elephant Skin’. It would enable me to survive, would shield me from the unknowns, would allow me to deal with “attacks” of all kinds. It would actually help with setbacks, make me stronger and more resistant. Being strong and resistant didn’t feel like a bad advice. Does not feel out of place at all, especially today!
Later, as a grown up (still young), being in my first years of my professional career a person in my team asked me for a talk. She shared a personal situation which clearly was stressing her. At one point deep in the conversation she started crying … I was not prepared for it, I felt uncomfortable but still managed it quite well. [My thoughts: I wish this will never happen to me!] When sharing this experience with a more experienced colleague, she did two thinks: She brought a box of paper napkins “so you are prepared for next time and you can share …” and she congratulated me for being a person creating a trustworthy environment allowing a team member to share her true feelings … Was I that person truly? Did I intentionally create an atmosphere in which failing and sharing (personal and business wise) was an option? Did I consider that as an option for me? I don’t think I did, at least not intentionally. I was rather operating under the premise that the business had no right / no space to understand my personal feelings and undertakings. Why would I share? Why would I expose myself? I better kept my ‘Elephant Skin’ intact and on. I have been doing so for many years.
About 15 years later, meanwhile I had climbed up in positions and my three kids were in the teens age, the Elephant Skin – my skin – busted. No, I was surely not planning for it. I wanted to talk (as usual), but I cried with moments of not being able to speak a single word. It happened during a training event in front of quite group of people. A combination of events, in private life and business, had been boiling for too long. I did suck it up for too long. This skin bursting was uncomfortable and got me in an embarrassing situation. So far for my immediate feeling.
The reaction of my peers / bosses however was overwhelmingly positive. “Thanks for being vulnerable! Thanks for being strong enough to share! Thanks for being a human and a leader! ”Vulnerability equal strengths!” What? This equation had not made sense to me for many years … till I experienced it myself.
Today, I am ‘walking the floor’ differently! I am engaging, listening, understanding and playing back differently. I am ready to accept vulnerability of others, because I grant the permission of being vulnerable to myself.
People say, especially in business context, vulnerability has nothing to do with showing emotions. I believe it has a bit of this as well. But more so, it is about being ready getting stuck, getting confused, making mistakes, allowing yourself setbacks and acknowledging it (no regret!), and being able to reflect on it, transparently (not filter) … as an individual in the first place and as an organization. Vulnerability takes courage and it is a powerful precursor to learning and to growing!
It took me quite long to fully embrace and accept this truth. I am very appreciative for having had the opportunity to go through this process! It made me a more approachable, a happier, a more satisfied and a much more balanced person. I would also hope it made me a more likeable person … I let others judge 😊!
To close, I recommend you getting on the journey (if not there already). Experience it in an authentic way, in YOUR way! Your surrounding will play it back. If you are already on it, share it and help others to do so as well!
Interesting fact: “The thickness of an elephant’s skin ranges on throughout their body. Their skin in certain areas can be as thick as 1.5 inches. Even though this large mammal has thick skin, the elephant anatomy of their skin makes it sensitive to touch. Elephants can feel the smallest insects and change of climate.” WOW! I got to go and tell my mum, she was right. I got it wrong, initially.
Finally, in case you are interested: Brene Brown, an American professor, lecturer and author has given a few TED talks which are worth listening to.`
