Fuck it, but not tonight
I’m a regular at watching the Lex Fridman Podcast. The last episode I watched was a conversation with Daniel Negreanu, one of the top Poker players in the world. At some point, Lex asks Daniel how he manages to answer yes to the question of
“do you you still have it?”
after a big loss or disappointing outcome in one of his Poker games. I loved Daniel’s answer:
“Well in the evening after it happened, I don’t have it. You know I don’t have the feeling of hope or resilience if you will. I’m allowing myself to experience despair which is exactly where I am at. But then a good night of sleep, wake up the next morning, and just within me I have the inner confidence to say you know what, fuck it get back on the hobby horse, find a way and make it work. But I do believe that it’s very therapeutic and worthwhile to allow yourself to feel and vent.”
Today was a day like that for me. Nothing really good happened, some things did not play out the way I wanted them to and overall I just feel drained. At the same time, I’m aware that this moment is not happening for nothing and that there is something to take away from it. Tomorrow morning, after a good night of sleep, a new day begins and I’m ready to say fuck it again.